Sunday, November 30, 2014

Never Enough

As I sit here at m messy kitchen table surrounded by math tests I have just graded, my daughter's homework that is only half done, and the sound of my kids watching a very educational Care Bear movie - okay not so educational - I am thinking about a blog post I read about teachers not having enough. Of anything - money, resources, etc...

What I am really feeling right now is the fact that there is just not enough time. Not enough time to teach the way I wish I could - with individual attention to each students. Not enough time to help my own daughters become excellent readers. Not enough time to work on products for my stores so that someday my husband can stay home and take care of the household. Not even enough time to have everything perfectly ready for tomorrow morning.

Do you ever feel like this? What do you do? Lists? I wish I was a list person, but I just have trouble slowing down to make them - even though I know they would probably help me in the long run. I try to calm down, pick one thing that must be done and do it. The bad part of this is that my list of "must-do" items never seems to get any shorter.

Sometimes I think that I could get more done if I slept less, but I really need sleep. Without a full night sleep, I am worthless. Plus, right now I am getting up about three times a night to nurse an adorable little baby, so I really can't lose sleep - even if that means going to bed at 8:30 when I could be doing something on my never-ending list.

I wish I had some answers about how to solve this problem, but I don't. I guess I am just venting. Plus, I don't know if I would want to teach the way I aspire to. It would take all of my time outside of work. You always hear about people on their deathbeds wishing they had spent more time with their families. Well, I wonder if people who always chose their families felt the opposite? I don't think so, but I do have that fear. Should I be spending more time on work? Am I spending enough time with my family? Balancing the two feels very uncertain and difficult sometimes - way more complicated than just spending more time with my family. Does that make sense?

Well, it looks like I am getting very ramble-y right now. Plus, I have to go pump a few bottles of milk for my little girl at daycare tomorrow (one more thing on my list!), so I will just say goodnight. But if you have this balance thing figured out - please leave a comment and clue me in!

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